Glamour Photography by Jay Kilgore

Not good enough

Any photographer who is worth their weight in their profession has asked themselves “Am I good enough?” Not good enough is a constant thought for the consummate photographer. We all are chasing our next best image and sometimes the chase leads us away from what we’re most comfortable.

For me, I’ve always invited change. I like the uncertainty that change causes. I like that I don’t have total control, butforced to think on my feet and adapt and make things happen. In my career, I’ve always felt that the ultimate change, the ultimate way to see if I’m good at what I do is to do it in Cali. I’ve always felt I wasn’t good enough despite my publications, sponsorship and clients. Oddly enough, I’ve had clients in Cali that flew me out for a day of shooting and back! When I was out there, I never really got a chance to look and shoot and network and I was also nervous since I felt I wasn’t good enough. When I moved from MN, I could have moved anywhere in the world. I chose Colorado.

10 years ago I looked on all the photographer portfolio sites and looked at CO. I had a sister in-law that lived here and visited and loved it. Came out here and decided to call the west my home. I told myself that I was west and that’s all that mattered. When I reflect on this decision, I think it was the best I could have made for my business and career. When I moved here in 2004 I was a rookie. Just trying to make my way. I had a love of photography and a few crappy publications and enough of an ego to have others believe me. Over the past 10 years I have built the confidence and got the understanding of how the business works. Oddly enough, none of the business skills I’ve learned I learned in CO, it was using CO as an anchor point to other places. But being closer to Cali, it became an interesting spot for me to use to reach out to those whose work I enjoyed.

Understand for a glamour photographer, Cali is the Mecca. It’s the holy land. It’s the end all, be all of glamour. It has some fashion, but NY is the fashion Mecca. So to live and work in Cali, it takes the most amazing of artists as there are plenty of photographers there. Every-time I visited Cali, I would have a large amount of genuflect. That genuflect caused me to run around the city with blinders on afraid of stepping on others toes. After moving back to CO, I’ve felt I’ve been missing something.  I’ve had some amazing sessions and made some amazing friends and contacts, but just missing something with my career. On a whim, I went back to Cali just to have some change. I went to have fun and relax. What I found was I LOVED Cali! I haven’t felt right at home anywhere like when I was out there.  This was May 2014. Since then I’ve made five trips with one next week!

I am super excited to say first quarter 2015 I will be a Cali resident! I have even decided to start teaching workshops again!

I don’t know if I’m good enough to be out there, that’s not for me to say. What I can and will say is I’ve never felt more at home, never felt in a place that belong, more than out there. I love Colorado and all she has taught me, but in order for me to up my game I have to be around those that not only inspire me to do so, but those that allow me to do so. I have nothing but amazing things to say about the models of Colorado and will always say so, but I have to get that “Look” and deal with less “wannabe” models. The  young lady above is Ms. Danielle D. Shot this 2011.

 

Who’s going to join me on my newest expedition?

 

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